An Update

Hi everyone,

As most of you have probably noticed, I haven’t posted to ActualConversation in over a year. As much as I loved maintaining the site, I had to retire it due to time-consuming commitments to various other projects.

While at this time I have no plans to bring it back (but hey, you never know!), I still continue to actively post all sortsa fun updates and articles at If you haven’t already, please click HERE to follow me there and receive any potential site updates.

You can also SUBSCRIBE to my email list, and I’ll send you sweet nuggets of love once every month or so.

Thanks so much for your support!


An Actual Conversation with a Lesbian at a Trade Exhibition

Ethan:  (approaches very masculine woman with an exhibitor’s pass that says “Everdyke”)  Excuse me, I have to ask:  What does your company, Everdyke, do?

Woman:  That’s not a company.  It’s my last name.

An Actual Conversation with Hunter’s Two-and-a-Half-Year Old Daughter

Submitted by Hunter

Elmo (voiced by Two-and-a-Half-Year-Old):  Come on, Monkey!  We go school!

Monkey (voiced by Mom):  We’re going to school?  Fun!  What happens at school?

Elmo (Two-and-a-Half-Year-Old):  Make a friends!

Monkey (Mom):  That’s right! You get to make friends at school.  What else happens at school?

Elmo (Two-and-a-Half-Year-Old):  Boys!


An Actual Conversation With My Comedy Partner About William and Kate’s Baby

Dave:  I need to come up with a Tweet about William and Kate’s baby.

Ethan:  I’ll help you.

Dave:  Something about a “royal placenta?”

Ethan:  What about a red carpet coming out of Kate’s vagina…

Dave:  ”The baby of Kate Middleton…will have a great little grin!”

Dave’s Cousin:  It’s frightening that you guys actually do this for a living.


An Actual Conversation with a Homeless Sax Player on the L Train

Submitted by Alex

Homeless Sax Man:  (sights hot girl)  Hey, girl.  I’d like to satisfy all your wildest carnival desires.

Hot Subway Girl:  (promptly departs)

Alex: …Did you mean “carnal?”

Homeless Sax Man:  (ignores and starts playing saxaphone)  Ladies and gentlemen, if you give me some money, then I will STOP PLAYING.