An Actual Conversation with Myself, Upon Waking From a Dream
This is an actual email I sent to myself at 4:36AM upon briefly waking from a dream:
From: Ethan Fixell <firstname.lastname@example.org> 4:36 AM (1 day ago)
To: Me <email@example.com>
It would be funny to Karioke heavy songs like by Korn or Distubred in a really effimnate voice and sing wrobg words: Like “Everybody dance, everyone have fun” to that “OOOAHAHAHA” song. but in between songs you could be manly and broey like andy kaufman singing Migthy mouse.
Dad: Ever since you signed me up, I get all these goddamned messages: “Joe Shmegegge wants to be your friend.” Joe Shmegegge? Who is Joe Shmegegge?? I get requests all day from this guy, and that guy…what is this? Who ARE all these people, and WHY DO THEY WANT TO BE MY FRIEND??
An Actual Conversation with a Post Office Worker While Applying for a Passport
Submitted by Lilia
Post Office Lady: How many passports did you say you’ve been issued?
Post Office Lady: (pause) And how many are you in possession of today?
Lilia: Zero. …But I have copies of all of them.
Post Office Lady: Do you have a valid driver’s license?
Lilia: No. But I have my expired license… Or at least, a copy of it. And the temporary slip from the DMV for a new one…
Post Office Lady: Social security card?
Lilia: Will a copy work?
Post Office Lady: (stares at Lilia)
Lilia: I also have three registered copies of my birth certificate, my last four paystubs, copies of every credit card and drivers license ever issued in my name, one college and one high school yearbook, my hospital-embossed baby footprint page…and I can get my mother in here.
Post Office Lady: (loud sigh) Well, sweetie, at least you’re in touch with your “challenge areas.”