November 2010
16 posts
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with Dave About a Song on...
Ethan: (tunes radio dial to a station playing Rock music)
Rock Song: (heavy guitars and loud drums)
Ethan: Hm. …This is kind of awesome.
Rock Song: Lift up your face / salvation is calling!
Dave: Really, guy?
Rock Song: Can you hear Him calling? / Can you hear Him calling now?
Ethan: Oh. Well…I was just talking about the drums.
Rock Song: Oh, can you hear Him calling...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with Two Cashiers at...
Submitted By Sheridan
Cashier 1: I like that! Look at you, girl! Sheridan: (clueless) …Um….Thanks? Cashier 1: I’ve got wet semen at home too. I should try that. Sheridan: (dumbfounded) Cashier 2: Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout? Cashier 1: (points at Sheridan’s fingernails) Everyone’s into grey and silver now. I got wet semen at home, too. I should...
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with an Avis Employee at...
Ethan: Where does this airport fly to?
Avis Employee: Right now, only to New York and Atlanta.
Ethan: Oh, okay. Thank you.
Avis Employee: But pretty soon we’ll have flights to Charlotte, Detroit, and Cleveland.
Ethan: Cool, thanks!
Avis Employee: …Charleston….Miami….DC……..Las Vegas……….
Ethan: Okay.
Avis Employee: ...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with my Mom About the...
Submitted by Amy
Mom: Whats the big deal with this Barack Obama guy? We’ve already had a black President.
Amy: What? We live in Canada, we have a Prime Minister, and the States have never had a black President.
Mom: Yes they have, you idiot!
Dad: Who?? What did I miss!?
Mom: You know, that George Washington guy…
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with Mom and Grandma at the...
Submitted by Dara
Grandma: Why aren’t you wearing any makeup tonight?
Dara: Sadly…I am.
Grandma: Well, I don’t like your look.
Dara: Maybe it’s because you just downed your cocktail and I look blurry?
Grandma: (turns to Dara’s Mom) What’d she say?
Mom: She said, maybe it’s because you had a drink and she looks blurry.
Grandma: No, she just...
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with my Family About...
Andrew: My friend really wants to perform at Burning Man.
Dad: What’s Berniemat?
Andrew: No, it’s —
Ethan: NO, NO, NO! Shh. I want Dad to guess what “Berniemat” could possibly be.
(long pause)
Dad: Is it a festival?
(short pause)
Grandpa: For Bernie Madoff?
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Mom While Building...
Mom: Don’t bring the wood in here, there are bugs!
Ethan: What are you talking about?
Mom: There are bugs in the wood! You’re bringing bugs into the house!
Ethan: There are no bugs in this wood, Mom. And even if there were, they’re about to be lit on fire.
(Ethan drops the wood into the fireplace and lights newspaper at the bottom.)
Mom: It’s smoking, Ethan. ...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with Rainn Wilson at a Book...
Submitted by Andrew
Rainn: Okay, so I guess I could take some questions now…
Andrew: (raising hand) I have a good one!
Rainn: You look too much like Jake Gyllenhaal. (looks to person next to Andrew) How about you?
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Mom About My New...
Ethan: Check out my new phone — the camera is sick.
Mom: Is that cleavage?
Ethan: What?
Mom: Are you taking photos of girls’ cleavage?!?
Ethan: Mom. That’s the camera’s viewfinder showing the crack between the two tables in front of us.
Mom: Oh.
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with Dave About Actual...
Ethan: We gotta stop for gas soon.
Dave: Well okay, but…piñata macaroni!
Ethan: What?
Dave: Wasn’t that crazy?! How I just said “piñata macaroni?!”
Ethan: …What are you doing?
Dave: C’mon…put me in another Actual Conversation.
Ethan: You can’t just decide to be in one.
Dave: Why not? I’ll help you write it…
Ethan: No.
...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation With an Old Man at Panera...
Submitted by eatyouwhole
Old Man: Hey, how old are you two girls?
EYW: 19…
Old Man: (looks disappointed) Oh, you look younger… I thought you were younger.
EYW: …
Old Man: My grandson is 16. I thought I could get your numbers for him. Well, I have another grandson that’s 25!
EYW: 25 is a good age…
Old Man: Yeah? Can I give him your number? He’s...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Grandpa at Pomodoro...
Submitted by my brother, Andrew
Grandpa: How you feeling these days?
Andrew: I’m alright. Just really nervous to hear back from graduate school.
Grandpa: Well, look at the positive: at least you don’t have AIDS.
3 tags
An Actual Conversation During a Local Natives Show...
Girlfriend: This girl in front of us is so annoying. She keeps dancing on me and flipping her hair into my face.
Ethan: I’ll try to block her.
(Girl starts flailing uncontrollably to the music, flips her hair into Ethan’s mouth)
Ethan: Ugh. She sucks. (to girl) You suck!
Girl: (To her friend) I am such a Drunkasaurus Rex!
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with the Employees of a...
Submitted by KT Pierce
KT: Excuse me, could you tell me where to find the tofu?
Cashier: Uh.. wut?
KT: Tofu?
Cashier: (pointing) Thar’s the manager ov’are…
Manager: Hey, Miss. Can I help yew?
KT: Yes, could you tell me where to find the tofu?
Manager: Toad food? Like wut you feed yer frawg?
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Family About A...
Submitted by “Rant” (a girl)
Rant: Can Spencer spend the night?
Mom: I don’t know…
Sister: What?! No! You never let me have boys spend the night!
Rant: He’s gay. …Well, sort of.
Dad: Sort of?
Mom: He’s half-gay.
Dad: “Half-gay?” Which half of him is gay?
Mom: The bottom half.
An Actual Conversation with a 10-Year-Old Kid on...
Ethan is in jeans and a black windbreaker.
10-Year-Old: Oooh, real scary costume!
Ethan: F*ck you.
10-Year-Old: (cries)
