An Actual Conversation with a New Hampshire...
Submitted by Holly Pearson Furniture Store Man: (loading furniture into car, nods at Holly’s Red Sox hat) So, are you a real fan or just a fan by default? Holly: Default. Furniture Store Man: Wow, no bullshit. You know, you’re my favorite kind of person. Are you married? Holly: Yes. Furniture Store Man: Oh. Well…second favorite kind of person.
An Actual Conversation in a Bar About Manginas
Ethan: …I walk into the room, and Dan is standing there with a “mangina”! Alix: What’s a “mangina?” I want to see a mangina. Dan: Oh don’t worry, you’ll probably see one tonight at some point… Bartender: (pops up from behind bar) The place is empty, you can show her now. (waits, staring)
An Actual Conversation with My Mom About A...
Mom: Did you hear Big D died? Ethan: It’s Heavy D. And yes, that was days ago. Mom: How sad. They said there was no funny business or anything… Ethan: What would be “funny business”? Mom: You know, drugs…or shootings. Rappers are mad hardcore.
An Actual Conversation About Airplane Food with...
Flight Attendant: Excuse me — for lunch today we have a turkey sandwich or a salad. Ethan: I’ll have the salad, please. Flight Attendant: Alright, here you go. (puts tray in front of Ethan) Ethan: Thanks so much. (pours bowl of dressing on salad) Guy Next To Ethan: Um. You know that’s not salad dressing, right? That was your soup. Ethan: (stares at empty bowl. ...
An Actual Conversation with a Waiter at a Buffet...
Submitted by Amit Amit: Excuse me. (points to buffet tray) Is this beef or pork? Waiter: (looks down) I think it’s beef. …Actually, it looks more like pork. Amit: Yeah, it looks a little more like white meat. Waiter: I’ll tell you what it’s not: TITS. That’s the best white meat. (winks)
Another Actual Conversation with My Girlfriend...
Ethan: Hey, something smells weird… Girlfriend: What is it? Ethan: I think your breath might be bad. Girlfriend: Are you sure its my breath? Maybe it’s my fungus cream. Ethan: Your…what? Girlfriend: The cream I put on my fungus rash. Ethan: …I think I’m tired.