Month

March 2011

6 posts

An Actual Conversation with Two Old Men in a Baltimore Coffee Shop

Submitted by Danny A.

Old Man 1:  Look at this here painting.

Danny:  What painting?

Old Man 1:  Right here, on the wall.  Look at this.

Old Man 2:  I can’t tell what the f*ck that is.

Old Man 1:  Who can?

Old Man 2:  Probably the dildo who painted it.

Old Man 1:  Is that a 4?  Or a pool?  And what the f*ck is that?  This looks like someone’s nightmare.

Old Man 2:  Yeah, probably that f*cking dildo’s.


Mar 31, 201113 notes
#old men #paintings #dildos
An Actual Conversation with a Female TSA Officer in the Security Line at Pittsburgh International Airport

Female TSA Officer:  (looking at Dave’s bag through the x-ray scanner)  Aight…why’s it look like you got a cowboy dinner bell in there?

Dave:  I’m sorry?

Female TSA Officer:  Why you got a cowboy dinner bell?

Ethan:  Um, are you…are you talking about the triangle?  We’re comedians, it’s an instrument we…

Female TSA Officer:  DeShawn, we got a cowboy dinner bell in here!

Ethan:  No, it’s a triangle.  Is…that okay?

Female TSA Officer:  A triangle?  Well, it does the same thing as a cowboy dinner bell, right?  DING A LING A LING!!!!

Mar 29, 201124 notes
#TSA #pittsburgh #cowboy dinner bells
An Actual Conversation with the Asian Lady Who Does My Laundry

Ethan:  (enters cleaners, flailing arms excitedly)  I’m excited to get my lauuuundrryyyy!

Laundry Lady:  OK, you stop it.  Stop it.

Ethan:  What’s the matter?

Laundry Lady:  You look a little… (whispers) gay.

(pause)

Ethan:  …Alright…

Mar 23, 201111 notes
#gay laundry
An Actual Conversation with Friends In a Car

Submitted by Christina

Jessica:  (driving car)  Dammit, people are always cutting me off! 

Tony:  That’s because you drive like an 80-year-old woman.

Jessica:  Well, my right leg is shorter than my left leg!

(pause)

Jessica:  I have scoliosis!

Tony:  So…your left leg is longer than your right leg?

Jessica:  Yes!

Tony:  …Does that mean your vagina is lopsided?

Mar 22, 201111 notes
#driving #scoliosis #lopsided vaginas #submission
An Actual Conversation With Jessica's Family About Mallomar Cookies

Submitted by Jessica

Mom:  Geez, I just dropped a Mallomar and Grandma stepped right on it…

Dad:  Give it to me, I’ll eat it.

Jessica:  No! That’s gross.

Dad:  It’s fine — 5 Second Rule.

Sister:  Dad, it’s been flattened like a pancake!

Dad:  DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN MALLOMARS COME INTO THIS HOUSE??

Mar 18, 201117 notes
#mallomars #5 second rule #addicted to cookies #submission
An Actual Conversation with Amit's Fiancée About Genocide in Africa

Submitted by Amit

Fiancée:  Hey, have you seen that movie about the genocide in Africa?  It’s really good.  What’s it called…?  Ramada Inn?

Amit: …Ramada Inn?

Fiancée:  Yeah, I think so.

Amit: …Do you mean Hotel Rwanda?

Fiancée:  Oh…yeah.


Mar 11, 20119 notes
#genocide #africa #ramada inn
Next page →
2012 2013
  • January 4
  • February 4
  • March 4
  • April 4
  • May 4
  • June 1
  • July
  • August
  • September
  • October
  • November
  • December
2011 2012 2013
  • January 7
  • February 3
  • March 2
  • April 3
  • May 5
  • June 4
  • July 4
  • August 4
  • September 4
  • October 4
  • November 5
  • December 4
2010 2011 2012
  • January 15
  • February 4
  • March 6
  • April 5
  • May 4
  • June 5
  • July 5
  • August 4
  • September 6
  • October 6
  • November 6
  • December 7
2010 2011
  • January
  • February
  • March 1
  • April 1
  • May
  • June 1
  • July 15
  • August 14
  • September 8
  • October 14
  • November 16
  • December 16