Dave:  You’ve been slacking with Actual Conversation.  

Ethan:  I’ve just been busy.

Dave:  Let me help you!

Ethan:  No.

Dave:  Come on, I’ll get this one started.

Ethan:  I don’t need—

Dave:  Wow, the weather is so nice today.  You would never know there was a hurricane this weekend…

Ethan:  (long pause)  …Yup.

Dave:  PASTA!

Ethan:  (sigh)

Dave:  Did I make it?

(Ethan’s phone rings)

Woman:  (looking around)  What… what is that?

Ethan:  (taking off headphones)  What’s the matter?

Woman:  Was…was that your phone?

Ethan:  (checks phone)  Oh, yeah.  Sorry, I didn’t hear it ring.

Woman:  But what was that ringer?

Ethan:  The ringer…? 

Woman:  Something like, (sings) “We’re the three best friends anybody could have… We’re the three best friends that anybody could have…”

Ethan:  Oh…Well, it’s from The Hangover.  And my, uh, friend Dave…my comedy partner…he…uh…

Woman:  (blank stare)

Ethan:  It’s a long story.

Dad:  Eth, you want a cookie?

Ethan:  What?

Dad:  Do you want a cookie?

Ethan:  Eh, I’m okay…

Dad:  They’re free… (points to bowl of cookies on Diner counter)

Ethan:  Oh.  Yeah, but I’m trying to cut down on sweets…

Dad:  Come on. Have a cookie.

Ethan:  …

Dad:  One cookie.

Ethan:  …Okay, why not.  (grabs one, takes a bite)

Dad:  (whispering in Ethan’s ear)  They taste like sawdust.

Submitted by Julie Kraut

Julie:  I’m going to wear my fedora when I watch you run the triathlon so I don’t get sunburned.

Brother:  Great idea. 

Julie:  Really?  You like it?

Brother:  Yeah, then people will think I’m running this thing for a good cause because my sister is retarded.