An Actual Conversation with a TSA Agent at DCA Airport in Washington

TSA Officer:  I told that mothaf*cka — I told him he can’t do that…. 

TSA Officer 2:  Mmm hmm.

TSA Officer:  I told him he chickensh*t!

Ethan:  (waiting to present boarding pass)  Yeah, f*ck that guy.

TSA Officer:  (stares at Ethan)

Ethan:  I’m sorry, uh…(clears throat)…is there pre-check at this airport?

TSA Officer:  No.  (long pause…leans in)  But I like your spirit.

TSA at Washington DCA Reagan


An Actual Conversation with Billy’s Grandma About Changing Clothes

Submitted by Billy

Billy:  I’ll give you some privacy while you change your shirt.

Grandma:  Why?

Billy:  What?  ”Why?”  Because I don’t want to see that!

Grandma:  Oh.  Yeah, I don’t like ‘em either.

Grandma - Old Lady Boobs


An Actual Conversation with My Mom About Hip-Hop

Mom:  Which celebrity was interviewed?

Ethan:  You don’t know him.  Nas.

Mom:  I know Nas.  He’s a black rapper.

Ethan:  He’s a black rapper?

Mom:  He’s not a black rapper?

Ethan:  He is, but why do you need to specify his race along with his profession?

Mom:  I was just letting you know I know exactly who he is.

Nas with Cigar


An Actual Conversation with Hunter’s Mom About Driving Safely

Submitted by Hunter

Mom:  Drive safely, okay?

Whitney:  We’ll take some shots before we head out.

Hunter:  (mimes driving with her eyes closed)

Mom:  Okay, okay.  And you can all go mushrooming.

Hunter:  What?

Whitney:  She means ‘shrooming.  Like, psychedelics.

Mom:  No, I didn’t.

Whitney:  Then what are you talking about?

Mom:  I mean those morons that go out into the woods and pick mushrooms without having any idea which ones are poisonous.

Polish Mushroom Hunters - Picking Mushrooms