These are the ridiculous conversations we all
share on a daily basis. Submit yours today.
Created by Ethan Fixell
Girlfriend: Are you glad to be home?
Ethan: Definitely!
Girlfriend: Do you have enough to keep yourself busy?
Ethan: Oh, yeah! I have TV, video games, and I have you now.
Girlfriend: Aww, that’s so sweet!
Ethan: Why?
Girlfriend: You have me to make you happy!
Ethan: Oh. I, uh…I actually meant YouNow.com. It’s a website.
Girlfriend: Oh. (long pause) Well, this is awkward.
Dad: Have you tried Fresh Direct?
Ethan: Yup, they’re great.
Dad: Yeah, I love them. They have all that healthy, organic stuff. Like…antibiotic chicken salad.
Submitted by Ginny
Ginny: Excuse me? I asked for Diet Coke. This is Dr. Pepper.
Concession Guy: Oh, we didn’t have Diet Coke. So I gave you Dr. Pepper instead.
Ginny: Do you have anything diet?
Concession Guy: Of course, we have Diet Pepsi. Why, do you want that?
Ethan: (singing along with a Bad Religion song)
Girlfriend: Why are you listening to The Beets?
Ethan: What?
Girlfriend: Isn’t that The Beets? From Doug, on Nickelodeon?
Submitted by Lilia
Post Office Lady: How many passports did you say you’ve been issued?
Lilia: Five.
Post Office Lady: (pause) And how many are you in possession of today?
Lilia: Zero. …But I have copies of all of them.
Post Office Lady: Do you have a valid driver’s license?
Lilia: No. But I have my expired license… Or at least, a copy of it. And the temporary slip from the DMV for a new one…
Post Office Lady: Social security card?
Lilia: Will a copy work?
Post Office Lady: (stares at Lilia)
Lilia: I also have three registered copies of my birth certificate, my last four paystubs, copies of every credit card and drivers license ever issued in my name, one college and one high school yearbook, my hospital-embossed baby footprint page…and I can get my mother in here.
Post Office Lady: (loud sigh) Well, sweetie, at least you’re in touch with your “challenge areas.”
