Showing 3 posts tagged TSA

An Actual Conversation with a TSA Agent at DCA Airport in Washington

TSA Officer:  I told that mothaf*cka — I told him he can’t do that…. 

TSA Officer 2:  Mmm hmm.

TSA Officer:  I told him he chickensh*t!

Ethan:  (waiting to present boarding pass)  Yeah, f*ck that guy.

TSA Officer:  (stares at Ethan)

Ethan:  I’m sorry, uh…(clears throat)…is there pre-check at this airport?

TSA Officer:  No.  (long pause…leans in)  But I like your spirit.

TSA at Washington DCA Reagan

An Actual Conversation with a TSA Officer at LaGuardia Airport

TSA Officer:  Step through, please.

Ethan:  (walks through metal detector)

TSA Officer:  Hold it.  Please go through once more.

Ethan:  (turns around, walks through again)

TSA Officer:  Again, please.

Ethan:  Is something wrong?

TSA Officer:  Just once more, please.

Ethan:  But the machine never beeped…

TSA Officer:  Please step through again.

Ethan:  (walks through a third time, the machine makes a loud, weird noise)

TSA Officer:  You’ve been selected for a “random” screening.

TSA random screening - touching crotch

An Actual Conversation with a Female TSA Officer in the Security Line at Pittsburgh International Airport

Female TSA Officer:  (looking at Dave’s bag through the x-ray scanner)  Aight…why’s it look like you got a cowboy dinner bell in there?

Dave:  I’m sorry?

Female TSA Officer:  Why you got a cowboy dinner bell?

Ethan:  Um, are you…are you talking about the triangle?  We’re comedians, it’s an instrument we…

Female TSA Officer:  DeShawn, we got a cowboy dinner bell in here!

Ethan:  No, it’s a triangle.  Is…that okay?

Female TSA Officer:  A triangle?  Well, it does the same thing as a cowboy dinner bell, right?  DING A LING A LING!!!!