Showing 7 posts tagged grandma

An Actual Conversation with Billy’s Grandma About Changing Clothes

Submitted by Billy

Billy:  I’ll give you some privacy while you change your shirt.

Grandma:  Why?

Billy:  What?  ”Why?”  Because I don’t want to see that!

Grandma:  Oh.  Yeah, I don’t like ‘em either.

Grandma - Old Lady Boobs

Another Actual Conversation with Dara’s Family at Dinner

Submitted by Dara

Grandma: (pointing to Dad, brother and two uncles) There are a lot of men at this table, Dara. I’d like to see us even the score somehow.

Dara: Well, I can become a lesbian if you’d like.

Grandma: Haha, I don’t think I’d like that.

Dara: You could become a lesbian…

Grandma: I don’t think I’d like that either.

Dara: Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

Grandma: How do you know I haven’t?



Another Actual Conversation with Dara’s Family at Dinner

Submitted by Dara

Waiter:  So those are our specials.  Any questions?

Grandma:  I have a question. Do you know a man named James Story?

Waiter:  No.

Grandma: He looks so much like James… (her handyman from 1960)

(Waiter brings over main courses, a plate of crab for Grandma)

Grandma:  I thought I ordered the lesser version of c*nt.

Dara:  (nearly chokes)  What?

Grandma:  Hm?  What did I say?

(long pause as everyone stares at Dad for help)

Dad:  (clears throat)  Um…. You said you ordered the smaller portion of the, uh… crab “c*nt.”

Grandma:  Crab c*ck?

David:  Yes.  Sure.  That’s what you said.

Grandma: (long pause as she stares at Waiter across the room)  That waiter looks so much like James.  I’m going to ask if he knows him.

An Actual Conversation with Dara’s Family at Dinner About Pole Dancing

Submitted by Dara

Mom: Ooh, here’s an idea: let’s take a pole dancing class for Mother’s Day!

Dara: Um…really?

Mom: Yeah, that’s what I wanna do.

Dara: For Mother’s Day, we’re going to take a pole-dancing class?

Grandma: Who is?

Dara: You, me, and Mom.

Grandma: Pole dancing?!

Dara: Yes.

Grandma: Okay, yes, I know what that is.

Uncle Jon: How do you know what that is?

Grandma: Because I’ve seen it on TV.

Dara: You watch porno?

Grandma: (looks away, eyebrows raised) Whatever it is I watch, I watch…